Wow, how to start this third post....? Let me try to find the words as I go...
It's unreal how since my last post I have heard from 5 close friends who are in different parts of the world and they have all contacted me to let me know they are either getting divorced or breaking up....being dumped or dumping someone...2 of them even called me THE SAME DAY!!!
Did I jinx them? I'd like to think not, but one think I'm pretty sure about is that watching some couples from the "single point of view" is been completely different than when I was with someone...it's almost like I've been given the super hero powers of X-Rays (ok, that's my inner nerd talking out loud)
But I seem to see things I never saw before, like them not being totally happy or couples on the street fighting for the most silly things. Could it have been that I didn't notice because at one moment I was doing the same things and thinking it was normal behaviour?
3 months have changed me a lot, I can't say I am fully recovered (I am a human being after all) but I do see things much clear now and why sometimes as much as it hurts, things must come to an end...
Are all people meant to be together or with someone? I believe yes...but you must put a hell of an expedition search in order to find that special one who will accept you exactly the way you are, fat, skinny, pretty, ugly, interesting or boring. It doesn't matter, but he/she should be willing to accept the fact of who you are and most importantly, we should accept the fact of who they are and love them for who they are!
A friend of mine (or like the Dude Lebowski would say: "My special lady friend, man") told me something it made a mark when I was debating if I had lost 9 years of my life on the wrong person. She said "She wasn't the person for all your life, she was just the person for 9 years of your life. The contract has expired and it's time to move on"
The Dalai Lama couldn't have said it better! Maybe people DO have expiration dates, don't we do the same thing with all the material possessions we have in life once we get bored of them? When we got and Atari we switched for Intellivision, then Colleco, then Nintendo, then Sega Genesis, then X-Box, then Play Station 1, 2, 3....(then my inner geek came out again and started talking out loud)
What if the same rule applied to people and the person we love??
Well, obviously I am not an expert on the subject otherwise I would continue being "happily ever after"
but I do wanna share some of the great advice I got from closer friends, people I know and strangers...if you are reading them and recognize any of as yours, feel very proud because they did help me a lot to see things more clearly and feel as strong as I do now
So, dear friends from Mexico, Spain, Canada and Venezuela (you know who you are) these are for you.
- "She wasn't the one for the rest of your life, she just was the one for 9 years of it"
- "Things happen for a reason, you might not see it now, but soon you will"
- "Bitches be crazy"
- "You once were a lawyer, it is time you start thinking like one now"
- "Divorce is both harder and easier than people make it out to be"
- "Do you want me to jump on a plane and be there next week?"
- "If it hurts, it's totally normal, it is because you're human"
- "Do you want me to kick the shit out of her?"
- "Life's a bitch x 2 sometimes"
- "Take the time to enjoy being with yourself"
and last but no least...."What do you want to do? What would make you happy?"
I have to give special mention to a book I found by fluke. It is called "Storms Can't Hurt the Sky" by Gabriel Cohen. I read it back to back in 4 days while doing long tedious commutes from "Jokeville" to Toronto. It reassured to me that I had taken the right path by choosing not to hate and fill myself with anger. Less baggage to carry with me and it kinda made me put myself in the other person's shoes for certain moments to help understand her point of view and accept the ending results.
More important, the difference between taking some deserved time and distance without keeping in contact and hating or being bitter with the person who might have hurt you. Very important to know.
Friends, you know you can count on me, anytime, anywhere, anyway. You were there for me!
Pay it Forward!
-
Hello sweety,
ReplyDeleteJust letting you know, i'm not longer living in Barcelona, me and my boyfriend are taking some time, so i don't know what's gonna happen, I moved again back where i started.
Relations are very difficult today cause people get tired easily. Love your post! Miss u
A ver frencho, creo que todo el que esté vivo y lea tu post podrá encontrarse si no en su totalidad en algunas partes.
ReplyDeleteDisfruta el súper poder de la claridad objetiva que adquiriste al dejar de estar dentro y mirar desde fuera, porque créeme una vez que vuelvas dentro lo perderás. Es el precio a pagar, es estar enamorado e ilusionado: estar ciego y loco…. durante unos seis meses a un año dice la ciencia, luego si no abres los ojos es porque eres masoquista o no quieres afrontar la realidad.
Vivir/Estar/Ser en pareja es, y nadie lo negará, una de las vainas más arrechas del mundo. Es un continuo balancear una cosa con la otra, lo que te gusta lo que no lo quieres lo que no quieres lo que puedes lo que no puedes lo que deseas lo que obtienes…
Quizás yo y mi pareja no somos el ejemplo perfecto de hacerlo, de hecho este año estoy luchando para que mi vida de pareja no se reduzca a la tareas domésticas al trabajo el mercado y la rutina de una peli o una serie luego de limpiar la casa el domingo… Creo que lo que me da cierta ventaja es que estoy consciente de todo ello, de lo patético que es meterte bajo un mismo techo con otra persona y creerte la historia del felices para siempre sin meter en la ecuación las partes frustraste de la vida como las obligaciones, las cuentas, el envejecimiento, los sueños frustrados, la amargura de empleos que no quieres hacer y pero tienes qué… entonces qué? el felices para siempre se construye a diario escapando a través del espejo de la cruda realidad y yéndote tú con tú persona favorita a lugares mágicos que pueden durar 15 minutos, pero son minutos de ustedes y de nadie más…
Quizás una relación de 10 años sólo tuvo 10 minutos así… pero valieron la pena.
Frencho sabes que también yo, y seguramente todos, hemos avanzado a través de las piedras calientes de la separación de la ruptura de un matrimonio o un noviazgo, yo tuve que enseñarme a mi misma que no perdí el tiempo, porque es demasiado para mi no podía soportar esa idea, y me dije a mi misma ‘Obvio que no perdí el tiempo, aprendí un montón de cosas, aprendí mejor qué es lo que quiero de la convivencia con mi pareja, y qué estoy dispuesta a dar a cambio y además aprendí creo yo a AMAR MEJOR viendo más a mi compañero, comunicándome más y mejor, considerándolo dándole su espacio…’
No soy la pareja perfecta, de hecho me considero un infierno de compañera soy exigente, impulsiva, malcriada, déspota, impositiva y para resumírtelo en mí casa se vive bajo el régimen dictatorial del Marwillismo… pero es como tú dices: si así me escoges así me quieres… (No me quieren al 100% todo el tiempo pero créeme cuando me quieren sé que es maravilloso y que me quieren con todo e influencia nazi)
Las rupturas me ayudaron a algo mucho mejor: a estar en el aquí y en el ahora, a estar consciente de que todo acaba, de que no hay para siempre, de que el futuro se hace hoy y aunque tengo un montón de ansiedades como el seguro de vejez, el techo propio etc. etc. trato de que mis rutinas tenga algo de amatorio en ello porque si no… la verdad no vale la pena vivir para trabajar para otro y pagar servicios y renta.
Besos y disfruta al maximo tu Sebastian´s Time! Amarte a ti mismo provoca que otros quieran amarte!